I am so sorry about the way things turned out.  I hated yesterday.  I am going to ask you to stop drinking.  It felt like someone was tearing my heart out.

I talked with B for quite a while out back.  We were sitting on the rocks talking.  She said you don’t share with her, you hide things from her and it hurts her.  She loves you she does, but she said her patience is wearing thin because you hide things and you are not honest with her.

She said you have a double life and she suspected you had someone on the side.  She said you have a double life she doesn’t know about.  I said this was it, this place you brought her to.  I said he needs to hang out with friends, and he wanted you to come and meet them and see where you go.
 

She said you keep acting suspicious and it makes her wonder.  She insisted she thinks you are cheating on her.  I told her no, she asked how I know, I said we talk, and she knows we have been friends for quite a while.  I told her you have been a good friend to me.  She said if you needed a friend why would you not talk with her (or something like that, it was a little hazy).  I told her sometimes we all other friends too.   

She grabbed my watch when we were talking and pulled it she was very upset when she thought I had a tattoo, and insisted in seeing it.  I had to explain to her first in general terms about BDSM, I asked her to let me tell her that first and then she looked at it.  She was very angry.  She asked why.  I said a lot of people have that, it just means we like pain.  It doesn’t mean anything more than that.  She said people have sex too, I said no, it has nothing to do with sex.  Yes some people might, but that is not what it means.  I said Dwight and I are into this and when I do it with other people we don’t have sex.  She refused to believe me.  She said Dwight would never allow this.  I told her he did and he does, because there is nothing wrong with it.  I also told her we were going to a BDSM play party later, it was Dwight’s idea.  She still shook her head, refused to believe it. 

She asked me somewhere in the conversation, before all this.  She said she saw a collar in the back of your car, and she said she wants to know who holds the end of that leash.  Is it a man? A woman? Who?  I changed the subject  a little.  I was going to tell her but it took a lot not to. 

 

I went inside and tried to tell u this tried to include you in the conversation but you have had too much to drink and were not understanding me all you were doing was hiding your face from me.  So I went back out.   We talked some more but she was already upset.   

 

At some point I came out and she was talking to Jerry, she was smiling and having a good talk.  He got up and asked me if he could interfere.  I asked if it was what is best for you yes.  Just remember, to do what is good for you that I want you to be ok.  He asked if he could then take charge of this mess.  I said ok, for you yes..

 

This is when he walked me out further and asked me if I was ready to let you go.  I said if that is what needs to be done, yes.  I promised to stay out of it and that is when he handed you to her.  I felt my heart break, I could not bear watch her cause you pain.  I had to step away and face away from you.  I started loosing it when I heard you.  And when you yelled for her to stop I got loose from his hold but he had me stay and he went to help u.  I feel so torn and terrible. 

 

Towards the end, Jerry was talking to you, and I was talking with Brenda.  She asked me who is this guy? With a big smile, she said he was so cool.  I said he’s a Dom.  She asked what that is, I said he is a dominant.  She said “nobody will ever dominate me!”  I said nobody said that.   She tried to get around me and I slowed her a bit, because you two were still talking.  But she got around me and went to Jerry.  She tried to push his buttons and I heard her giggle still when I was with you.  You were worried, but I thought he had this one. She started by pushing his buttons to see what he could do, but she hated the results.  He tried to hold her so she would stop but it made her more mad.  I guess like u said, she just flipped out. 

 

I talked to the police, I told them what happened.  They understand BDSM somehow, which made it easier to explain. 

 

All in all, yes tings went bad, but they would have been worse if I had not kept my promise to you.  I promised you not to haul off on her if she made me angry.  But I had to break the promise when I said you should never let her take “top” with you.   But at the moment, since she said she would never be submissive to anyone there was no choice.  Once the wheels started turning we had to move quick. 

 

Well, I don’t understand what you just told me a while ago.  If you all kissed and made up.  What does this mean?

Is she going to learn about BDSM?  Or did she say no more?  What happens now?  Where do you want to go from here?

 

Did we just un-collar you yesterday when I gave you up?  What do you want? 

 

 

New day

Mistress I have finished reading the worlds greatest sales man. May I reread it? I also read some posts in BDSM what it stands for. I am a little confused. I know that you have told me that it is not about sex, but where does the S&M fit in? It does not seem to be based originally as a discipline. Also why the pain sessions? What is the purpose of a pain session?

You should read the rules again.  You didn't pay attention.  You called me yesterday, 3 times, and messaged me and called again today.

If I was following what I set up in the rules, you would have one week time-out yesterday morning.  Then two weeks time-out at night when you called again.  And three weeks time-out when you called this morning.  I am not sure what you are aiming at. 

I asked you to choose if you wanted to stay as a friend or as a sub.  You picked friend, but later we talked and you were so upset and hurting that I decided to try keeping you as a sub again.  I was willing to pick up the pieces and try to rebuild.  I told you there would be rules and you need structure, I was to set them up.  I wrote them up and let you have a say, then readjusted them.

I will repeat what I told you.  You are a dear friend, yes, but even as a friend.  You can't call me constantly, you can't come visit me whenever you like.  I can't run off to go spend a day at the beach anymore because I have a husband who would not like that at all.  So if you choose to stay a friend and not a sub, you still need to be reasonable and understand that I am not here alone I am married and I do live my life taking that in account.  Dwight and I spend our time together and share a lot.  We communicate, and as understanding as he is, his patience is running thin now.

I explained that we can stay friends, and we can talk once in a while.  That is acceptable.  But I don't run off to go visit Sherri, I don't take off to go to the beach with Cindy, or talk on the phone for more than 5 minutes with friends.  Usually they call me once in a blue moon.  We don't keep track of each other.  Sherri does call once in a while asking if we will be going out.  (WE)  I don't take off alone.

I appreciate that last year when Dwight was gone, you checked on me because I asked you to.  I was alone and sometimes needed someone to make sure I was still alive.  Because I was afraid one day something would happen to me and nobody would know for weeks.  But now I have Dwight and I am not alone.  I appreciate your concern But I am ok. 

I can't have you as a sub if you can't follow directions.  I am not being unreasonable. 
If you cannot follow the rules you can give up being my sub and stay my friend.  But just know that you still can't call me every day and you can't message me constantly.  And, if I don't answer right away you cannot start asking me why and panicking.  I also will not tell you what I am doing or where I am going unless I feel it is relevant. 

I do care so much about you but you are driving me away with this behavior.

OK, stories will remain just the same; I love the way you write.  And it was our way to connect, remember? I told you, when Dwight comes back I won't be available like I was so this was a way for you to have a task, and connect.  There is also a purpose to it. 

Morning calls?  I rather have a good morning message, because as you can see trying to get me up is not working because school keeps me up, and sometimes Dwight keeps me up.
I appreciate it and it did help me, I do wake up at 7 now, as you can probably tell.  But it is automatic, and since I didn't get much sleep, I go back to sleep.  I also don't want to cause problems at work.

Let me switch things around then.. 

Good morning message, yes, I will answer when I get up like I used to.
Then you can message me when you get off work and tell me how you are.  I like to know, because I care. 
At that time if I have anything I want to ask you to do as a task I can tell you then.

Web chat is more difficult, I cannot promise.  Let me see what I can do with that.  We are mixing friendship and D/s, this is why I am trying to separate it.

I have not taken you for granted, and I do not think of you as a toy.  I think of you as a good friend who wanted to experience something that I offered.  And now we have evolved and grown from it.  But I need to keep us straight or I will loose it all. 

I need to give you more structure and that would help me as well.  This way I don't stress out, and we can function properly in our lives.  Otherwise we are both interfering with each other's lives and it causes issues.

Please understand and be patient. 

 

these are... acceptable directions. You did not mention our stories. I need time with my friend other than what My Mistress demands. May I suggest video chats when we can? you also said that I could message in the a.m. but I did not see 7 am phone calls? Your friend David did for you because I want you to succeed in what you need to do. I care too! as your friend you can not limit  me.

Rules

 

1-      No jealousy.  No being jealous of my husband, my friends or other subs.  Whatever I 
          share with others does not take away from what I share with you.

 

2-      You can call me if you have an emergency; otherwise I will call you on Tuesdays as I drive to  
           school, and Thursday nights.  I may call more times than that, but no lesser than those 2
           times a week.  I will message you first as to not cause conflict.

 

3-      You can come to visit once a month when Dwight goes to the legion meetings.  If everything
           is well,  we have playtime, if not we can go to the legion and visit with friends.

 

4-      Messages on FB:  Once in the morning, and once at your lunch time if you need to.  If I don’t
           answer  right away, be patient, I might be busy.

 

5-      Text messages one at night if you want to tell me how your day was.  Again, if I don’t answer
           right away please give it time.  I may be busy.

 

6-       For longer conversations, please post in the “letters” blog.
          I will post tasks in the “letters” blog.  Check once in a while. 

 

These are the rules, and they need to be followed.  I already discussed what happens if they are broken.  You have a say in them, but ultimately I decide if they are changed.

If there is anything you want to add, please tell me.

I would like to reply, but we already spoke on the phone.  I may reply later right here. 

I just want to tell you that you have been a wonderful and amazing friend all these years.  And as a sub you have come a long way and I am very proud of you. 
It was our mistake both, you for getting carried away in your feelings, and me for not keeping a safe distance.  We got too close and things got crowded. 

As I said before all we can do is learn from our mistakes and go forward. 
I will be happy to keep you only as a friend if you would like.  But I prefer to keep you as my sub. 
We just need to find our balance.

I wrote the rules. I want this to work out, so I am trying to tighten up the sails or the ship won't sail.  I care so much for you and this is why we need structure.